As Taylor Swift once said, "nobody's heard from me for months"...

...and sometimes that's truly just how life goes, huh?

So first of all. Hey guys! I have missed you all SO so much. It's been quite a while since I have written a blog (like, literally months) and it feels good to sit down and write again. I debated about jumping right back in with my thoughts on The Marvels after seeing it tonight, but I think I want to get a little more personal with this one first. So The Marvels will be next up <3 but how about we catch up a little for now, yeah?

Trigger Warning for the topics below in regard to mental health and depression.

When the SAG-AFTRA strike started, I wanted to show my support and stand in solidarity with both the actors and the writers as they fought for a living wage and fair rights against the use of AI. Everyone deserves to be paid fairly and given fair working conditions, and the unions were long overdue for a contract rewrite as technology has advanced. But standing in solidarity with the actors also meant not talking about my favorite fandoms...which unfortunately also meant no cosplays and no skits.

The first two weeks were really tough on me. Those of you who have been following me for a while know how much the Marvel fandom means to me. And even other media as well, such as Disney, Star Wars, and shows that were on streaming services (I got really into New Girl and Gilmore Girls over the course of the strike!). Standing in solidarity was the right thing to do, and if that meant not talking about my favorite shows and movies then of course I would do it. But I didn't realize how much of my coping skills fell into these fandoms until it was taken away for an indefinite amount of time.

And the indefiniteness of it all was definitely what got to me the most. I tried expanding my content (hence the Taylor Swift videos here and there) but it just didn't feel the same to me. I didn't get that spark that I used to get when I was dressed in cosplay and filmed my skits for you all. It made it really difficult for me to continue wanting to post videos. Because nothing felt right. I didn't feel as passionate about it. And that started to really get to me. Which is why my posting schedule went from a once-a-week blog and daily videos to maybe 1-2 videos a week and no blogs at all.

I had to basically find entirely new coping skills to help me get through this weird content break period. I tried sewing, as you all may have seen from my two whole sewing vlogs (and haven't picked up since LOL whoops. I better get back into that soon!). And tried starting to read again. But when mental health hits you, it sometimes hits hard. And I found myself in a really not-so-great place in my good ol' brain of mine.

I had no structure to my days anymore, which I think was a huge part of the reason I was not feeling well. But it also just made it tough in general to keep getting up in the morning. When every day felt the same and there was no end in sight to the strike. There was no one being like "Hey! You'll be able to post again by the time The Marvels rolls around!" or "Hey! Here's an exact date of when you can expect things to wrap up!". Which, of course, was probably the most frustrating for the actors and writers, as they wanted to get back to work! Every day they would show up, willing and ready to meet with the AMPTP to negotiate, and instead the AMPTP kept walking away from the table.

I started to find it really hard to get out of bed. If I even got up and got dressed for my day then I'd call it a win. And to be completely honest you guys, I think this was one of the worst mental health lows I've had. I felt like I lost my purpose. And I wasn't able to connect with all of you anymore, which is one of the things I love so very much about content creating. The community and the connection over a mutual love of something so special to all of us.

So that's why I disappeared in and out of posting for a bit. And that's okay, because I think that's basically what I needed to do to get through each day. Things are definitely looking a little better now. Right before the strike ended, I had been making more of an effort to reach out to some creator friends, been talking through some things with my therapist, and I've started regularly incorporating movement into my day which has definitely improved my mood. And now we're back to posting our regularly scheduled content again! Which definitely DEFINITELY helps.

And overall, I know standing with the actors was the right thing to do. I wouldn't change that for a second. But I did want to share with you all why things have been the way they have on my socials, and share my story from a content creator perspective. While this strike may not have been about influencers and content creators specifically, a lot of us were definitely involved as we stood united with the performing arts unions, and we were impacted by a lot of what was happening. I know I certainly was.

I would like to conclude this blog just by saying that for those of you who stuck around--thank you. You have no idea how much it means to me, that even though I wasn't posting what you followed me for and, heck, even though I fell off the face of the planet at times, you still were here, supporting me, sharing my shifted content style, and waiting it out with the actors, the rest of my fellow creators, and me. I love you all so so much. I truly am grateful for you. I'm excited to jump back into what I love, sharing what I love, and connecting with you all more now that the strikes have ended.

Thank you. For everything <3

Until the next blog...which will be more regularly again now ;),

-Jess (@femalepeterparker)